Tuesday, 24 December 2013

My life in this moment.

Hey loves,
I want us to have a real 10 minutes right now, I might start a series of posts on this where I lay 10 minutes of what I'm feeling like in this stage of my life and it's going to be truthful and not only an inspiration for myself but hopefully for that someone who is feeling the same as I. So here we go, as a Christian I've learnt to put everything in God's hands but it's not easy. Recently I have been struggling so much, I can go days without acknowledging God and disobeying His word and it leaves me feeling empty, lonely and hopeless. I felt like there was something wrong with me, seeds of doubt sprouted up from roots I didn't even realise were in me. In all honesty He has still kept me on a piece of string attached to him, I'm still hanging on and I don't even know how but it always brings me to the realisation that He will never give up on me. I find it so very hard to get my head around that and at times it doesn't always make sense and I fall more than a baby learning to walk for the first time and I feel disgusted with myself and it feels like, at times I've reached the end of myself. But despite it all, God has imprinted His love into my heart so much so that at the end of crying rivers and lakes of sadness and frustration and anger towards Him, I still find myself giving it all to Him and trusting in Him. Saying that despite my trials Lord, I will worship You and I will love You. 
For me, I'm such an overanalyst, literally I overthink way too much that it kind of gets dangerous and before I know it my mind is in a whirlwind of everything I think has happened and on the other side is the truth but I'm so caught up, that I can't even see it and I'm so adamant to ignore it. 
Being a Christian is such a narrow path, for me especially this past year I've had to learn and comprehend a lot more knowledge and understanding of the world and God than I ever have before, I know more this year than I ever have in past years and it all became a real bit of a build up. But God has dealt so much in my heart this past year from; deliverance to just plain old lessons. He's convicted me, wrapped me in His love and taught me to discern. I'm still on this incredible journey with Him and I know that it won't all be daisies and tulips, which, in our fleshly way of thinking you'd think, 'if you know it's not going to be a nice ride why go on with it?' Because Jesus thought I was worth it when He died on the cross to redeem me from my fallen self. That is the motivation that I have on this journey with Jesus. He has impacted me so much so that I cannot forget Him, I cannot shake Him from my frame of thinking, I cannot survive a day without Him, I cannot survive being away from Him and I especially cannot imagine being separated from Him for Eternity. 
And to finish I found this on Tumblr, it broke me down and brought me to the reality that as Christians we are all on this journey of being on a process towards perfection until the day our Saviour returns until now we must continue to encourage eachother and help eachother and most of all be there and pray for eachother.
God bless,
All my love!

There are days or weeks or even months when I read the Bible and there are no grand epiphanies.

There are whole seasons of Sundays when I sing praise and feel nothing.
There are times of prayer where the silence kills me.
There are great Christian books and podcasts that I eat up which don’t budge my spiritual life.
There are too many times when I doubt the very existence of God and the sending of His Son. It can all feel like a crazy lie.
I’m probably being too honest — but I’ve found that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
It’s in those times that I ask myself, “Am I out of love with God somehow? Am I losing my faith here? How do I get back to where I used to be?”
But I keep reading my Bible. I keep singing on Sundays. I keep praying. I soak in books and sermons. I serve. I enjoy the company of mature Christians. I enjoy the fellowship of the broken.
And you know what? Sometimes the clouds part and God comes through and His love squeezes my heart and I fall to my knees remembering how good He is. Then I read Scripture and can’t stop weeping and I turn on Christian songs in my car full blast and sing loud enough to scare the traffic. I serve with shaking hands and get convicted by those sermons and soak in God’s goodness all over again.
So I've learned over time: I wasn't really out of love with God. I’m just a fragile human being who changes as much as the weather. I was setting a ridiculous standard for myself that can’t be defined by self-pressuring parameters. I was tricked by the enemy into judging my flesh. My faith is based on His grace and not my feelings. And I think I need to relax.
— J.S. from this post (via jspark3000)

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