Growing in His Grace

This morning I was led back to Him. I'm learning to return back to Him and to run towards Him ferociously. I've learnt that I can barely do a day without Him and while dependence on someone is not encouraged, dependence on Him is not a weakness but something that gives you strength, rather than taking parts of you and then breaking them because people fail He keeps every part of You and in Him there's no better place to be.

Sometimes we can fool ourselves into thinking we can do life solely on our own but our hearts were made to love, to love people and it longs for community which means interaction which means getting to know people, loving their imperfections and being a reflection of what and who Jesus is all about.

I want to share a little bit of what's been on my heart lately and I love being candid with what I'm going through and although I am a little wary online and how different things can be interpreted this whole idea of being real with people, being honest with people is something I've really struggled with.

I don't know whether it's British culture (granted, that's a bit of an overgeneralisation) to not talk about your problems, your struggles or whether it's a pride thing. You see I've been really struggling with the idea of not being perfect. I used to view it in a way that I knew in my mind was unattainable but in my heart I longed so deperately after it. My longing to be spotless and without blemish in the Lord's eyes, there's no bad thing about it, if anything that's a great motivation to be ruthless with sin. However when my longing to be spotless and without blemish in man's eyes overrode that, that's when I realised that a God thing had become a bad thing.

I used to want people to get at least the impression that I didn't deal with anything when in reality there have been days where I've felt so ashamed in His presence that I couldn't even bring myself to come before Him with what I'd done. Now, cue the minds of you, the wonderful person reading this, to think "what are the sins that she goes through?" hopefully in not a bid to judge me, though our flesh may sometimes want to, but in a bid to understand my way of thinking and in a hope that maybe you can relate to my struggles and my failings because we're all going through something no matter how big or how small, we are always going through something, we will always struggle with something this side of heaven. Does this mean that we just give up? No, because He died for so much more than us giving up, if anything His death and resurrection should not be undermined by what we feel, what we want to do and how we ourselves perceive our own sin. 

Giving up is easy but only temporarily, to follow Jesus and to trust in Him to change you, to refine you on your walk with Him despite being wrecked by sin, when you come to a true understanding of just how important He is and should be in your life and how much of an incredible impact He has had on your life is even more of an incentive to give Him glory despite our failings. He is there in the process, He is there in your weakness, He is there when your shame feels greater than His presence, He is there when you think you've reached the end of yourself and when you don't feel like there's enough grace for Him to reach out to you. He is there and He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is constant and unchanging. There has never been a moment in your God-breathed life that He has loved you less,  He has always loved you with an everlasting love, a steadfast love an incredible incomprehensible love that knows no bounds.

We can choose to step into His love or we can choose to stay drenched in shame, guilt and overcome by our sin.

It's a concept that can be really hard to accept, it can be a constant process of asking Him to remind us of His mercy and grace and how He died so that we may be free. To live for Him, to serve Him and to love Him with every fibre of our being. We are constantly growing in grace, growing in His love, growing in compassion what will your decision be?

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Knowing Your Worth

I typed out the title of this blog post wordering whether or not I remembered my own worth. 

Sometimes we find our worth in things, vanity, relationships, friendships, likes on social media, our hobbies or our interests. For me I've tried to find my worth in the way I've looked, the way I've acted, the way I've interacted with people, I've based it in comparison to other people and I've tried time and time again to fix myself up in order to disguise the pain of feeling unworthy and guilty and shameful but time and time again I am led back to one thing that holds me altogether even when I feel like I'm falling apart, that one thing is Jesus.

Jesus who calls me worthy, Jesus who died hanging on the cross and still called me worthy, Jesus who looks straight into my soul, my spirit and all that I am drenched in sin and calls me worthy. 

I'm writing this post as a reminder to not only you, you beautiful soul but also to myself. You see my worth's taken a recent kick in my side and I've questioned every single part of my body, examined every part of my personality, done the whole, what have they got that I don't have and what have I got that they don't have. I've looked for affirmation laced in other peoples words and measured up my worth against them but you see the cycle keeps on going. There are on days and off days where I have to keep reminding myself of my worth and everything that Jesus calls me to be. It can be a constant monthly, weekly, daily, hourly reminder. Sometimes I can be so consumed in my own thoughts that I think myself sick, to the point of tears, to the further point of ugly crying into the sky (or a pillow) and pleading, begging the Lord to help me, mould me and change my unhealthy way of thinking. 

Normally I would write a conclusion to my blog posts, to recentre my own thoughts as I write them and gather them after having scrambled them all onto a page but today I just want to leave it at this: knowing my worth is a process, sometimes we can know it in our head and sometimes it doesn't reach our hearts. Head to heart knowledge is important and I'm in that process now. That process of being taught and disciplined by the Lord who knows exactly what is best for me. So after crying my eyes out to Alex G's song Everything and Alessia Cara's song Scars To Your Beautiful - I didn't have any words to say to the Lord, all I wanted to do was cry and that's all I had in me in that moment and maybe just maybe my tears, in that exact moment, spoke so much more louder than my words could ever say.

But I don't feel like I should end this blog post that way, a conclusion can be even more important than how I start this so let me try again. 

Your worth is not dependant on what a boy says to you, your worth is not dependant on what you see in the mirror, what you eat, what you wear, how you are, whether you have it all together or are crumbling and breaking inside - despite what you're feeling your worth is dependant on an eternal, most high King, a King fiercely and passionately in pursuit of your love and your attention. He sings your beauty over Him and our beauty is found solely in Him. He remains the same yesterday, today and forever, the only thing unchanging and knowing your worth in this way, well, it changes everything. 


“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ... " - Matthew 6:25-34

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:10

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. - Isaiah 43:4

TRAVEL: Escape and Pray - getting there

On the 17th of June I woke up at 4am, now normally I would protest to waking up this early in the day especially as I made the choice of going to sleep at 1am a few hours before but today I was waking up to embark on an unknown journey and I was so ready. So 4am, come at me. 

I dragged my sleeping body to the bathroom, washed, dressed and brushed my teeth. I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was, which is strange because I'm always hungry. After putting on a mascara, eyeliner, lipstick and eyebrow powder I put my glasses on slung my vibrant coloured and patterned Accessorize backpack over my shoulders and went outside to meet my mum at the glorious hour of 5:15am.

We drove all the way to London Stanstead Airport as the world was waking up, I glanced around wondering what all of these cars were doing up. Now I've only really been in airports in the last two years, in that time I've been in quite a few however the difference today was that I had no idea where I was going. 

Me and three other friends from my home church in Portsmouth were going to take part in something called Escape and Pray run by Fusion we were 1 of the 100 teams flying out in this month and our mission was simply this:  pray for the university, connect with the church and use our faith to improvise & be ready to be used by God.

I viewed it as a wonderful and exciting way to exercise my faith. In a situation that forces me to be used for His glory and to trust in Him completely. 

Now, in all honesty I hadn't really prepared, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to prepare I just wanted Him to use me and maybe reveal a few things in my heart, maybe some attitudes and actions that I'd been doing previously so that he could incite change into me. So in a place where I was protected by comfort and the noise but where it would be just me and Him and me discovering more about His character and His provision. This was to be an unforgettable adventure.

I arrived at the airport first, there weren’t many people there as I expected but there was still a bustle, an excited bustle that stag parties and families created. I was in search for breakfast and once we found a place that did a killer sausage sandwich and tea, I hugged goodbye to my mum and greeted Rhiannon with a huge hug. Together we ate breakfast, talked about our adventure and life up until now. Our excitement was tangible and as our group leader Naomi joined us with the envelope we waited for our fourth member Sabrina so that we could open it.

Naomi gave us our Escape and Pray t-shirts and no joke, mine was really small despite buying a large (sorry Fusion but your sizing’s are out a bit –still love you though).

I suppose by this point you’d want to ask me what on earth I would pack for such an adventure and not only am I queen of packing at the last minute (not a good thing) I’ll tell you that I actually over packed by a LOT.

Here’s what I brought with me:

·         A large sweater
·         Black long Bardot top
·         Escape and Pray T-shirt
·         A patterned dress
·         Red patterned skort
·         2 pairs of black leggings
·         3 pairs of socks, 4 pants
·         Roll-on deodorant
·         Toothbrush and toothpaste
·         Mascara, eyeliner, eyebrow powder, 1x Nyx lipgloss
·         Mini dove shower gel, mini Simple moisturiser
·         Make-up wipes
·         Bible
·         Notepad
·         Pen

·         Headphones
·         Raincoat
·         Trainers
·         Flip-flops
·         Towel

Yes, I over packed. I didn’t wear the patterned dress, I had knickers and socks left over and I didn’t even need my towel either. My bag was constantly heavily but I used everything else (justified).

So here it was, the shiny orange envelope that enveloped (get it) our destination, challenges and money. I filmed it, the video should be at the end of this blog post.

WE WERE GOING TO AARHUS, DENMARK!

We had about an hour and a half to go until we had to board our flight so we prayed before we got in contact with people. We prayed that His will be done, for His provision, an increase in faith and thankfulness to be able to do this opportunity.

We made a Facebook status of our destination and we asked anyone with contacts if they could get in contact with us. I tweeted multiple churches in Aarhus and I came across a website called International Harvest Christian Center and e-mailed Pastor Frank who had a church in Aarhus. Naomi had recently watched a film entitled The Last Reformation and their church was located in Denmark also so we sent an e-mail out to them also.

This was my first time on a Ryanair flight although the plane was small it reminded me of the first plane I was on last year with Easyjet. The plane ride was short, admiring the clouds from above and watching the world wake up below was always wonderful and everything about our plane journey ran smoothly. An hour or so later, we arrived on Denmark soil...

To be continued...

Catch the Sunset

I never realised how close freedom was until I asked the Lord for it. I had forgotten what true peace was until He granted me it. I remembered what joy felt like when I entered into His presence.

A few days ago Viki, Maddie and I decided to dress up in florals and watch the sunset. 

I'm such a sucker for a sunset I immediately agreed. We found the Southsea Rock Gardens in Portsmouth and explored around there before we went to the beach. As we climbed the bank up onto a space that overlooked our city we knew that we had to capture this moment. After running, tumbling, falling over, jumping and laughing until our faces hurt it made me really come to a place of appreciating the moment. Appreciating the fact that we're able to be spontaneous and joyful in moments where we're on the edge of breakthrough. On this day, I had gone from experiencing complete unrest, confusion and frustration to ending the day with joy. It made me think how, not only must I live in the moment but I must live in the moment that the Lord has given me and live freely in Him. 

I mustn't forget how He is moulding me even in my moments of despair. 

Choosing to step out of my door, into a taxi (don't judge), onto the seafront, in a place where my flesh just wanted to sit in a corner and sleep was a choice I made because I held onto the hope that this is not all that there is for me. And if I just appreciate His creation, His magnificent creation and be present and in the moment - it is there where I can physically experience the beauty He has enabled us to witness at the hands of His marvellous mastery.

"Those who live at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your wonders . From where the sun rises to where it sets, you inspire shouts of joy." Psalm 65:8 (NLT)

Overcoming Heartbreak

I want to be able to pour out of myself all that I learned in the times of heartbreak that I have experienced in the past. I think that heartbreak and getting through heartbreak is such an important thing to talk about because these experiences, they shape us and form us into who we are today. They are able to build us stronger, heal us or they can break us. It is ultimately our decision on how we allow it to define us. 

Hurt and pain are both things that we are sure to come across sometime in our lives and for some, you may be going through them right now but know that despite their regular appearances in our lives, they are temporary feelings and you will get past this.

When I think of the first time I got my heart broken, I could refer to my first crush. I could recall a time where someone’s words broke me or I could refer to a friendship that I lost. I could also recall a time where my family fell apart or when I lost someone I loved or when I didn’t get the exam result that I had longed for. The truth is, I probably wouldn’t be able to recall the first time that I got my heart broken because there are so many times that it has happened that they have all merged together and made it almost impossible for me to string them all into a timeline. 

Along with heartbreak comes tears and numbness, anger, frustration and sadness. Moments when you feel like your prayers hit a wall and when you feel like you're screaming into nowhere. It assumes its form in different ways each time my heart breaks, sometimes it's only one of those feelings and other times all of them at once.

Our heart, is an organ inside our bodies. Some say “follow your heart” when it comes to making big decisions in our lives but does this mean to seriously say they are saying “follow your organs”. Maybe following your heart means to follow what your spirit/your soul says. Maybe it’s an expression of the idea that if this vital organ was to actually break that it would mean a life would be lost? Either way, for some it can literally be a physical response to pain. Recent studies have actually come up in finding out whether heartbreak can occur literally and there is a connection between emotional pain and a literal form of heartbreak.  That pain and suffering that we experience in life would be so detrimental to our insides that it would stop giving us life and blood to all of the other important areas in our bodies enabling our bodies to go into shutdown mode. 

Heart break can be as simple as saying, something happened to me and now, in this moment, I feel broken. I feel like I can’t function, like I have nothing to live for. And I think the beauty of who the Lord is and the moment that He is able to step in for someone that is in that place and just simply meet them where they’re at is remarkable. 

For someone to look at you in your loneliness, abandonment, fear, pain, suffering, hurt and through the tears, the snotty noses, the smudged mascara and say, “I'm here, I'm with You” in such a way that allows us to surrender our own strength so that we are able to deal not with heartbreak on our own but because, how else are we supposed to deal with it effectively if it were not for the creator of our very being to wash it away? 

I think that the way the world would deal with such a thing as heartbreak, an experience so frequently met with all walks of life, all generations, is that time is the healer. Which in some ways is true, time is involved in overcoming heartbreak but time is also associated with all parts of our lives because that is what we determine our days with. It doesn’t stop when we experience heartbreak, it keeps going, just like it keeps going if you were experiencing a season over overwhelming joy or financial growth. Time is always going to be involved because it is what we measure our lives here on earth with. So taking that aspect of time and then flipping it into searching for the Creator of time itself and giving our heartbreak to Him, I mean, isn’t that a much better solution than just time itself? Is not His power so great and mighty and wonderful and freeing that we cannot give it all to Him straight away?

Through broken-hearts the Lord also has the ability to teach us. One thing He may teach us during these times are humility and being of a contrite heart. Contrite meaning “feeling or expressing remorse at the recognition that one has done wrong”. So without this feeling of our heart breaking we aren't able to appreciate the times in our lives where joy and laughter are found. These feelings that we go through are there to enable us to rely heavily upon the Lord to bring us through. To come to a place of, asking for forgiveness from an ex, from a family member, over a loss of friendship are we are able to come to a place of repenting and turning away from our sins and to be healed from it. 

“For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart – These, O God, You will not despise” Psalm 51:16-17.

I will simply say nothing more than the simple fact that the one thing that has helped me through every single kind of heartache/heartbreak there is and has been in my whole 21 years of living and beyond, is Jesus.

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

In the moments where I delayed my heartbreak, I lost focus on Him. In the times where my heartbreak was healed the most, I took it straight to Him and never looked back. I think it’s important to be in the mind-set of having full faith in His healing power, it is not necessary to be in that place, but it sure does help. In moments where I know I have to bring something to the Lord, I tell Him outright exactly what I’m dealing with in as much detail as possible. I will probably cry the river Nile, sob, get frustrated and have deliverance and all of the pain and the hurt, I will give to Him. It can be a process and only I can make it a longer process than I need it to but it is a process worth going through, worth being refined through and worth experiencing. “The thing about pain. It demands to be felt” this Fault in Our Stars quote has been such a memorable string of words for me since the first time I heard it until now. It is true, it demands to be felt, so cry. Cry for as long as you like, yell, journal, scream into a pillow, take a long walk and pick at a tree bark. However long it takes, don’t try to keep it in. Pain is our body's response to something not being quite right within our bodies. So feel it, give it to the Lord, ask Him for healing.

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Psalm 34:17-22.

Do not let heartbreak defeat you, define you or lie to you and tell you that things won’t get better and that this is all there is because I can tell you right now that it most certainly is not all that there is and if we are looking to step into who God has called us to be, we need to not be ruled by heartbreak, we need to not be ruled by our past, our struggles, our pain – everything that is in opposition to who God says you are has no place, has no authority, Jesus conquered it all on the cross. Pray and surround yourself in His presence.

“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3. 

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

I long to know the specific timeframe of just how long your heartbreak will last but that is impossible. Time doesn’t tell us the exact moment our heartbreak will stop but its creator says “hold onto Me, and I will bring you through it”. The only thing we can quite possibly hang onto is the Lord, who pays no attention to a specific time frame, whose being is not restricted by hours, days, months or years but exists outside of time and pours out His love onto us and meets us where we are. He is One who knows you, knows your heart, what you’re going through and He is MORE than capable of taking on all that you are feeling because He has already paid for it on the cross.

“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good work and work.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

"You heard the voice of my supplications. When I cried out to You. Oh, love the Lord all you His saints' For the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person. Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord." - Psalm 31:22

LET'S TALK: Without your face paint

About a week ago I left my house without face make-up.

For some this step may not seem the biggest greatest grandest revelation of all time but for me, it was a step into defeating a stronghold that I didn't even recognise I had in my life.

From as far back as I can remember I was able, I wore make-up. For Christmas I would get plastic make-up sets and really cheap eyeshadows. I don't particularly recall the influence of my obsession for make-up but I was enthralled by the transformation. Part of me, although hesitantly, wants to say that it was the influence of television that did it for I watched a lot of american television shows. The era when Mary-kate and Ashley and the Disney Channel graced our television screens.

I was fascinated by its ability to make me feel and look like a different person. 

However, there were times where I would view it as accentuating what God gave me and ultimately I thought that I just thoroughly enjoyed putting it on, like a painter placing brushes on the edge of a masterpiece. 

Of course all of this would end up with me having to spend money on products that I felt I needed. I didn't discover foundation/face makeup until secondary school so around 15/16 I was amazed at the fact that this liquid was able to hide that huge spot that invaded half of my head. 

I was a newbie to this side of the make-up world and made mistake after mistake and still am learning today. Finding the perfect shade is hard am I right ladies?! So by this time, I had really gotten into Youtube, I started a channel with one of my best friends Leyla. It was scary and exciting at the same time because we were putting ourselves out there but it also made me feel really conscious about how I looked. 

My obsession with Youtube was ever growing, 

I enjoyed watching drugstore hauls and make-up tutorial after make-up tutorial. I started working around 17 and the new found money in my pocket enabled me to buy whatever I wanted, so I did.

I can't even tell you how much money I spent on make-up, I'd probably return it all now but let's just say I enjoyed it so much, more than clothes shopping because in my head it was cheaper, but of course, these things add up. 

So fast forward to college years, 16 to 18 years old, I began to become dependent on make-up, it wasn't something I essentially hid behind, I felt comfortable in my skin and didn't lather it on like moisturiesr after a shower but enjoyed the process and soon after, I was unable to leave the house without it. The period between 14 years old through to around 19 were pivotal moments in life for me, I got into relationships, juggled my weight and dealt with body image issues. 

Don't get me wrong I still have those days where I'm like "bleurgh" but nowadays it's different and normally comes in the form of comparison, which is an unhealthy mindset to be in, and is something that I give to the Lord constantly. But those five years really was a time where the Lord was moulding me.I went from hurt to healing and freedom. It was a time when deliverance and prayer was needed and essential, I didn't know it then but the Lord had a purpose to it all.

So after my gap year I came to university. I was single and I was focused on making tight friendships, if I meet a guy that's great but I was not ready at all. the Lord was still dealing with things from my past and I was willing to go through it because I knew freedom was on the other side. Going through my first year I don't ever think I left halls without make-up, not one day at all. I was almost really self-conscious to be seen not wearing make-up in front of the close friends I made. Make-up gave me confidence. That and the combination of my new found contacts that I enjoyed wearing because I despised wearing glasses, my confidence would plummet when I wore them so I just wouldn't. 

So here I was, going through first year of university with a new found confidence and creating friendships, getting planted into a church, getting involved with the Christian Union, doing a degree in what I love to do most. The people in my life that I have managed to surround myself with have always been very complimentary. For ages I loved it, I almost thrived on it, but to an unhealthy point where if I didn't receive a compliment from someone and I had worked hard on looking good, I would get seriously upset, my mind would spiral and I would convince myself that I didn't try hard enough and I would try harder next time. As you can probably tell, this kind of mindset was not only unhealthy to be in but it was a very expensive thing to uphold and in my first year I racked up the debt, my overdraft became a regular and then a permanent friend of mine but I just kept going. Have you ever watched Confessions of a Shopaholic? Yeah, not as much, but very close.  

So this brings me to my second year of university. again that dependence on make-up still strong but in the second term, something shifted. My best friend Viki hit a point of breakthrough, she had already hit it in the summer when we went to a camp called Momentum, she realised it was an idol and didn't wear it. I was convicted because I couldn't not put makeup on especially with the fact that there were Christian guys around. 

In second term of university she saw her dependence and the time that it took to put make-up on as something she didn't want to deal with anymore. So she began to not wear it. For her it was daunting at first and she was convinced that everyone was looking at her but they weren't. This second term, although it took me a while to jump on the band wagon I began to see the freedom that she got from it. So one day I did it. I wore no foundation/concealer/bronzer/blush and I wore my glasses as well to a lecture and CU. I was petrified. Petrified of what everyone would think of me. I was self conscious and couldn't stop looking at all of my spots in my phones camera. It made me realise so many things about myself that I hadn't dealt with. Although it took years until I could actually walk out of the house without make-up it brought liberty and I had to constantly fight back the thoughts of my skin burning holes into peoples eyes. Viki and Maddie my best friends and sisters at university have been encouraging, inspiring and motivating not only I, but eachother and others to embrace our God given beauty. They have been nothing but supportive, their words have impacted my life and enabled me to view myself differently. Although I feel like I still have a long way to go, I'm not alone and I have full faith that the Lord is going to bring me through it.

If you related to anything that I wrote in this post, comment, I'd love to chat with you. I would also like to encourage you with this a facebook post that Viki wrote attached with a make-up less photo of us:

This morning as I sat down to put my make up on, I realised how uncomfortable I would be leaving the house without it, and how much it had become an idol in my life. In a world where outer beauty is appreciated more than inner beauty, I believe it is so important to realise where your identity really comes from. So instead of painting on layers of make up, I listened to this incredible song which made me realise that even though I may not look perfect, and don’t have the airbrushed look that we see everyday on instagram, God still sees me as beautiful and that’s all the confirmation of self worth that I need. I stand with the belief that all of us are made in His image and our self-worth comes completely from him, and with this belief comes bravery and courage, so here are me and two of my beautiful best friends, bare faced, imperfect and still courageous daughters of God!

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

2015: Year Reflection

If I was to describe 2015 in one word, that word would simply be: Growth. 

It was the year that I was challenged in different aspects of my life that I would have previously shyed away from. It was in accepting opportunities that enabled me to step out of my comfort zone that allowed me to really free-fall into what God had in store for me. It was a year of trusting that He would make a way when I almost thought it impossible.

The first few months of 2015 involved an amazing trip to the Isle of Wight with my church, a weekend of revival in the hearts of many. I got through exams and deadlines and enjoyed a snippet of summer with my university friends.

During the summer I was able to go on holiday with one of my long-time best friends Leyla, to Spain. It was my first time on a plane which was both scary and enjoyable. A few weeks later I was able to go to the Philippines to meet my mother's side of the family, I was able to stay there for a month, travelling around the Philippines and enjoying their beautiful culture. Towards the end of summer I was able to go to Momentum with my home church at University, it was an incredible week. I became Course Rep at my university for Journalism with English Literature. I had my first article published in the Galleon, our university's student newspaper. I sung on the Christian Union worship team that pushed me right out of my comfort zone but thankfully into His arms. We were able to hold a wonderful CU Carol Concert that enabled me to trust in Him even more. I was asked to be a Small Group leader at our Church, something that involved stepping up in and listening to what the Lord had to say. I managed to get into the first violin section in my University Orchestra, it serves as a reminder to play out loud.

I was able to reunite with my Dad's side of the family which proved emotional at times. I was able to appreciate my immediate family's presence more so than the last year. Every day He is softening my heart and I am so appreciative of who He is moulding me into. 

There are so many people in my life that I have to thank as this year's chapter closes, so many people I hold dear to my heart and only wish to be a better best friend, friend, daughter, cousin, neice, family friend to them all. All of whom I could not have done this year without. So here's to those that I have known, that I have just met and that I am to meet in the future.

Every year the Lord surprises me in ways that I would never have imagined. He brought me to places that had me awe-struck, places that moved me, places that I never would have dreamed I would be standing in. He brought me to the end of myself where I found the beginning of Him. The times where I was searching so desperately for something to satisfy the craving in my soul, the only craving that could be satisfied by the one who made it. 

There have been seasons of my life this year that have been barren and dry, hopeless and broken. A time of finding, searching for excuses - anything, for justification, validation, approval or some kind of applause. I searched and searched and they returned to me void. They were empty, worthless things that weren't good for my soul. I had no choice but to turn to Him, despite knowing all along that He was more than enough, I was stubborn and selfish and wanted to find it out for myself. How much time I wasted, yet He doesn't see it like that. It was in those seasons that I was able to find Him, time and time again despite reaching the end of myself. I was in a process of learning, who He was, who I am and who He has called me to be.

I am learning day by day, more and more about myself and who God created me to be. I am learning in the dark, barren, times of weakness, caked in sin times that He is all I need. I am learning to come to a place of repentence continuously, trusting in the Lord and the freedom He offers. I am learning to equip myself with His word, eager to learn more about what it truly means to come to Him with everything I have. Learning time and time again obedience and trust in His mercy, grace and lovingkindness. What an incredible, romantic, wonderful God I serve.

As I look back on the year I thank Jesus for dying for me on the cross, for taking on my sin despite it being mine to bear. I'm praying that this new year will be a time for more trust, obedience, love and expectancy in Him. Trusting Him in the process, because He's worth it. 

Even though I may:

• fear, He is there.
• be impatient, He has a plan.
• doubt, He knows.
• fall, He stands.
• feel ashamed, there is no shame in His eyes.
• not understand, His wisdom and knowledge surpasses it all.
• despise, He loves.

So this year my New Year's resolutions are as follows:

• to let His love determine my actions, words, steps, life.
• to not doubt myself
• to love courageously
• to tread boldly
• to speak even when my voice shakes
• to fall continuously in love with Him.
• to focus
• to trust in His process.

Tis the reason

"For unto us a Child is born,

Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder. 

And His name will be called

Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace 

There will be no end,

Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom,

To order it and establish it with judgment and justice

From that time forward, even forever. 

The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this." Isaiah 9:6-7 (NKJV)

As we edge closer and closer to Christmas time we get busy, we have deadlines for uni, we're packing, eating as many roasts as we can consume, making plans to travel back home, figuring times out to see family and friends, working, getting into the Christmas spirit - it's easy to forget the true reason why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.

This verse has resonated within my heart for a while now and I love how it just exuberates the many incredible names and attributes that Jesus entails. He grants hope, peace, love and justice and assurance for everything that our future holds which makes my heart eternally thankful and grateful that He chose to come down to earth and was born in such a humble way, lived in such a humble way and died in such a brutal way only to rise up again for you and I.

It leaves me speechless and honoured to serve a God that is so intentional in His relationship with us, excludes no one and is the very true meaning of love itself.

"And this I pray, that your love may abound.."

Pinterest

Hey loves, 

A few hours ago I got in from meeting with my Church's small group, our homework for this evening was to read Philippians and after going through just the first chapter I felt so encouraged and inspired and I really wanted to share a bit of why I felt this way.

Read: Philippians 1

Paul's intense encouragement resonates throughout the whole of this chapter, his selflessness and relentless love for his situation, his location, his church, those around him and most importantly for Jesus encourages and motivates the people around him and those that knew him all from prison. From his chains he was able to defend and proclaim the gospel. This selflessness reveals a strong sense of humility within Paul and reveals a strength that could only come from Jesus Christ. At no point in this chapter does he search for sympathy or attention, instead he praises the fact that his time in prison is turning out "for the furtherance of the gospel" so much so that he even impacted the "palace guard". How wonderful a thought to think that we could make the exact same impact and imprint of Jesus in the lives of every single person around us. This selfless life that he is living is always, constantly thanking God and referring back to God, even his "chains are in Christ".

 I really admire his selflessness and humility as it causes me to think of my own life and convicts me into having the same attitude that he did towards life. For me, I haven't ever been in a position like Pauls, I've never been in prison and you can imagine back in Pauls day that the prison conditions probably were as far from prisons that we see nowadays so you can imagine rough living where your faith would be challenged the most. I admire that despite everything that he is going through he chooses Jesus everytime and I love how at peace he appears to be with it all, he has no fear of his outcome, he says that he would like to go and be with Jesus but he feels as if his encouragement would benefit others. Others. We are called to love God and to love one another. We are also called to serve and to help encourage, motivate and pray for one another so that in the trials and tribulations we can get through it by God's strength and God's strength in our friends. 

Paul gives us practical tips to live out our lives as Christians. We are meeting with people everyday, souls, lost souls are in desperate need for something to fill that void in their hearts and all they need is Jesus. Fear holds us back from a lot of things, one in particular is something that I struggle with and that is sharing the Gospel, physically speaking to people about Jesus and starting off a deep, theological debate and turning them off God completely has to be one of my worst nightmares. In all honesty, what have we got to lose? Christians are being martyred for their faith everyday, I don't live in nearly as much conflict as they are, if anything my life is comfort in comparisin and yet I can't even share the gospel without thinking "oh, they won't like me anymore" or "oh, they'll make fun of me" the fear of man has stopped me dead in my tracks one too many times. I believe that as Christians with an Eternal God, an Uncreated Creator, ruler of the heavens and all of the galaxies on our side, we can never truly lose. 

"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain". - Philippians 1:21

Here are a couple of verses that I highlighted in my Bible maybe you coud meditate on them and pray to the Lord to open up your Spiritual eyes and ask Him for wisdom, knowledge and understanding of His word:

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." - Philippians 1:9-11

"the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel, so that it has become evident...my chains are in Christ; and most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear". - Philippians 1:12-14

"that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death". - Philippians 1:20

"Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, and not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation and that from God. For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, having the same conflict which you saw in me and now hear is in me". Philippians - 1:27-30

DAILY LIFE: Coffee, Cake and conversation with Maddie

Hey beautifuls, 

Here is the beginning of a new series that I'm going to be starting called DAILY LIFE. It was previously called Personal but I feel like that word is exactly what it is, personal and I want to share my day with you guys, so I felt like Daily Life was a tad more inviting. 

I am starting to fall even more in love with the city I'm living in, every week or so I find an amazing cafe or cute shop that I find adorable and I love that about this city. There are so many more places to explore and I'm having an incredible time discovering them. This week I went for a day out with my good friend Maddie and we had a little explore in a part of the city that I hadn't yet visited. We came across a gorgeous bakery that I will have pictured below, countless charity shops and stores. It was such a bonus having everywhere decked out in Christmas decorations. 

We were actually on our way to find Maddie a new Bible from a Christian bookstore that she had found before called Acorn & Vine, which I have now visited a whole 3 times but have only been  inside twice, the second time it was at 3:57pm but it was closed! (It shuts around 4pm, we were so close). Anyway this was a delightful Christian bookstore filled to the brim with Bibles, Devotionals and bookcases of encouraging writings. I honestly could spend the rest of my life in there just reading everything. 

On our way back from the bookstore we had a peek into Knight & Lee which I believe is a partner of John Lewis which I actually don't have back at home so it was lovely to explore what they had to offer. It was also Christmas in Knight & Lee and I was so tempted to spend all of my money on just everything, their stationary, their giant gingerbread men, their jelly-bellys, their candles, their mugs - just all of it. BUT you will be pleased to know that I didn't and I haven't...as of yet.

Lastly we wanted somewhere to just chill out and unwind a bit and.. basically we needed coffee sowe remembered that on our way there we had found a cafe that looked gorgeous from the outside and there were so many beautiful cakes in the window that we vowed to end our little shopping trip there. So we did, Maddie and I ordered a coffee each and chose a Peanut Butter Cake which was absolutely divine, better believe it was such a hard choice and it and the waiter didn't help saying that every cake was good! I would definitely recommend sharing though because even though we were sharing we didn't even finish it, it was so lovely if a tad dry but not too dry, the peanut butter cream icing in the middle layer and on the top surpassed the dryness and gave it that moist texture, all in all it balanced out wonderfully. I would definitely return. After I've recovered.

Here is a mini photojournal of our day:

I hope you enjoyed this Daily Life post, comment on the wonderful places you've been to recently!

God bless,

All my love,