Friday, 1 January 2016

2015: Year Reflection

If I was to describe 2015 in one word, that word would simply be: Growth. 

It was the year that I was challenged in different aspects of my life that I would have previously shyed away from. It was in accepting opportunities that enabled me to step out of my comfort zone that allowed me to really free-fall into what God had in store for me. It was a year of trusting that He would make a way when I almost thought it impossible.

The first few months of 2015 involved an amazing trip to the Isle of Wight with my church, a weekend of revival in the hearts of many. I got through exams and deadlines and enjoyed a snippet of summer with my university friends.

During the summer I was able to go on holiday with one of my long-time best friends Leyla, to Spain. It was my first time on a plane which was both scary and enjoyable. A few weeks later I was able to go to the Philippines to meet my mother's side of the family, I was able to stay there for a month, travelling around the Philippines and enjoying their beautiful culture. Towards the end of summer I was able to go to Momentum with my home church at University, it was an incredible week. I became Course Rep at my university for Journalism with English Literature. I had my first article published in the Galleon, our university's student newspaper. I sung on the Christian Union worship team that pushed me right out of my comfort zone but thankfully into His arms. We were able to hold a wonderful CU Carol Concert that enabled me to trust in Him even more. I was asked to be a Small Group leader at our Church, something that involved stepping up in and listening to what the Lord had to say. I managed to get into the first violin section in my University Orchestra, it serves as a reminder to play out loud.

I was able to reunite with my Dad's side of the family which proved emotional at times. I was able to appreciate my immediate family's presence more so than the last year. Every day He is softening my heart and I am so appreciative of who He is moulding me into. 

There are so many people in my life that I have to thank as this year's chapter closes, so many people I hold dear to my heart and only wish to be a better best friend, friend, daughter, cousin, neice, family friend to them all. All of whom I could not have done this year without. So here's to those that I have known, that I have just met and that I am to meet in the future.

Every year the Lord surprises me in ways that I would never have imagined. He brought me to places that had me awe-struck, places that moved me, places that I never would have dreamed I would be standing in. He brought me to the end of myself where I found the beginning of Him. The times where I was searching so desperately for something to satisfy the craving in my soul, the only craving that could be satisfied by the one who made it. 

There have been seasons of my life this year that have been barren and dry, hopeless and broken. A time of finding, searching for excuses - anything, for justification, validation, approval or some kind of applause. I searched and searched and they returned to me void. They were empty, worthless things that weren't good for my soul. I had no choice but to turn to Him, despite knowing all along that He was more than enough, I was stubborn and selfish and wanted to find it out for myself. How much time I wasted, yet He doesn't see it like that. It was in those seasons that I was able to find Him, time and time again despite reaching the end of myself. I was in a process of learning, who He was, who I am and who He has called me to be.

I am learning day by day, more and more about myself and who God created me to be. I am learning in the dark, barren, times of weakness, caked in sin times that He is all I need. I am learning to come to a place of repentence continuously, trusting in the Lord and the freedom He offers. I am learning to equip myself with His word, eager to learn more about what it truly means to come to Him with everything I have. Learning time and time again obedience and trust in His mercy, grace and lovingkindness. What an incredible, romantic, wonderful God I serve.

As I look back on the year I thank Jesus for dying for me on the cross, for taking on my sin despite it being mine to bear. I'm praying that this new year will be a time for more trust, obedience, love and expectancy in Him. Trusting Him in the process, because He's worth it. 

Even though I may:
  • fear, He is there.
  • be impatient, He has a plan.
  • doubt, He knows.
  • fall, He stands.
  • feel ashamed, there is no shame in His eyes.
  • not understand, His wisdom and knowledge surpasses it all.
  • despise, He loves.
So this year my New Year's resolutions are as follows:
  • to let His love determine my actions, words, steps, life.
  • to not doubt myself
  • to love courageously
  • to tread boldly
  • to speak even when my voice shakes
  • to fall continuously in love with Him.
  • to focus
  • to trust in His process.

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