beauty in His name: We're adrift on a sailboat. My love, is He.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

We're adrift on a sailboat. My love, is He.

Hey loves,

I feel like I need to start writing more. One thing that stops me at times is the fact that I get scared. I feel like when I write I reveal too much of myself, so far so that when I read back on my journals I even get surprised by how much of myself I let spill out onto the page. There is always that lingering fear that someone close to you read it as well.

The last couple of months have been hard for me, it has tested my faith and really rocked the boat I once sailed so calmly along in. I know that trials in this life are inevitable and sometimes being a Christian I find it hard to stay afloat and strong in my faith and sometimes I turn to the wrong things. These wrong things to me are pretty much anything BUT God in the sense that watching a movie to fall asleep to, reading a book instead of my bible all up to just simply laying in my bed letting negative thoughts invade my mind take priority in front of Him.

When I go through times like this I place a mask over my face hoping no one will ask me what's going on and simply smiling away inquiring minds - simply because I don't want them to bother or make a fuss however on the other hand I would love to confide in them. I've just become so wary about who I open up to nowadays the only person I can open up to is the One I'm trying desperately to block out.

Then I reach the end of my cycle which can be triggered by something so simple as watching someone's loneliness in a romance or the way my eyes catch onto the constellations at night. It makes me think how big my God is and in those moments it's like my sin and my shame are stripped away and God looks at me with all the love in the world, He speaks to me even when I don't want to listen to Him - I'm such a stubborn child.

I guess the point of this post was aimed at the girls who I guess just feel lost.

Those who are holding on to God's promises for what seems so long, I want to encourage you who feel alone at night, who cry over the simplest of things and those who are amidst struggles and trying times. I want to let you know that you are not alone. God is enough, He is more than enough. Wait on His timing, wait on Him and never give up on Him - why would we want to give up on someone who will spend the rest of our lives relentlessly running after us? So no matter what you're waiting for, your future husband, an opportunity to evangelise, Christian friends or a Church family keep holding on and God will pull through for you. He wants nothing but the best :)