LET'S TALK: Get to know me :)

Hello, my name's Rosalind I get called Ros and Rozzie more often and I like that. I had been thinking about what to write in the About Me section of this blog for a while and as awesome as the list of questions that I took from a girly website was, I think it was way too cheesy and I wanted to be able to show you partly how my brain works when I want to write something. So here it goes. 

First and foremost, I love Jesus. Like, a lot. I my not get everything right a whole lot of the time but His love, grace and mercy knows no bounds. I love writing, I love how I can express and articulate my words in a more effective way. I love singing and I enjoy belting songs out by myself. I love fashion and expressing myself through clothing. My style is borderline formal, elements of bohemian, preppy and girly and it almost always something involving a skirt and tights. My favourite season is Autumn, I love the palette of colours it brings with it. I love music, any type of music and I appreciate a great soundtrack to a film more than the film at times. Give a song an infectious drum beat and I'm sold. I love playing in orchestras. I'm falling more in love with travelling, walking, getting to know new people and what moves them, what excites them and I love having deep, meaningful conversations. I thoroughly enjoy being kind to people, I feel like it doesn't take that much to be kind and I like to remember that everyone's going through something. 

I appreciate a good field, I'm a country girl at heart. God uses the country to move me and show me His glory. I also enjoy being by the sea, it's peaceful and I'm a huge fan of that.I love colours. My bedroom looks like a rainbow erupted inside it. Put anything with a colourful, floral pattern in my hand and I'll be guaranteed to love it. 

I'm a sucker for watching the stars at night. I once watched a meteor shower from the comfort of my back garden. It was beautiful. 

I love church, I love community, I love encouraging people. I love laughing, I love humour, I love making people laugh. I love finding things way to funny. You can normally measure it by whether I'm on the floor clutching my stomach or not. 

I'm pretty dang gullable. I get way too excited when it comes to shopping. I love Youtube, journalling, worshipping. 

Sunsets are my weakness. 

I'm prone to sit in coffee shops and drink tea and cake. I prefer a cosy night-in then a wild night out but I do enjoy the occasional party or two. I love going to the theatre. I've just recently discovered the West End and all its glory, I very much want to visit it again. 

I love studying His word, although I could do it more often. 

I love food. How have I written this much and only just started writing about food? I have a major sweet tooth. I'm a magazine hoarder. These sentences are probably structured wrong and everything that I have written thus far have been thoughts that I have made off the top of my head. 

LET'S TALK: Hello April!

Dear April,

  You hold many days of revision and completing my final deadlines of year 2 at University but that's okay because I'm sure you hold many days of lounging in the sun, spending time at the beach, wearing floral dresses and having barbecues. I'm grateful that you bring flowers left right and centre. Flowers are my favourite. You can tell because I wear floral and have loads of floral things in my possession. I would also love for you to bring the sun more often, goodness knows England needs it. I hope you bring sunny days and long nights spent with good company, music and laughter. I hope you bring roadtrips to new places, adventures in forests and dancing in fields. Of eating ice-cream and exploring new places. Of walking until our feet hurt and gazing at His creation. I hope you bring new friendships and strengthen old ones. I hope you bring fellowship and community to our surroundings, I pray for impact and an outpouring of love in light of everyone we meet. I hope you bring nights spent singing into His atmosphere accompanied with a guitar. I pray you will captivate our hearts with your beauty and the beauty He made for us. I pray we see the good in everything that your days bring that we will appreciate every single moment, hours, second, minute that You bless us with. 

 I hope you bring change in your winds and revival in His streets that starts in our hearts. I'm praying that you will bring a season of rebirth, of remembering Whom we belong to. Of loving people even more ferociously than You have enabled us to before. I pray that we can worship Him in truth and that we fall in love with His word, more and more. That He will ignite that fresh, fiery, passion for Him and His people inside of our hearts. 

 Thank you for your change in season, thank you that we are able to do these things and thank you for the beauty that I know this month will bring because of Him. 

Travel Photo Diary: A Day Out in London - Wicked, Covent Garden, Big Ben

On the 29th of March my beautiful Mama and I embarked on a journey to central London. For my mum it was an especially exciting time because it was essentially her first time since being pregnant with yours truly that she was able to actually explore London. I loved every single moment of it playing the part of a perfect tourist pretty well. Tourist essentials, the fancy camera (that I still don't know how to completely work out myself), the huge rucksack and the puzzled I-have-no-idea-where-I'm-going look on your face. I had all of these. A Grammy-winning performance.

No, but in all seriousness, I actually put us on the wrong train.

After walking from Charing Cross Station to The Grosvenor Hotel on Victoria Street we managed to stop by Trafalgar Square and Buckingham Palace. My mum although not entirely appreciating the long, busy, buzzing walk through the hordes of Londoners and tourists appreciated the sights we were able to see on the way there.

I'll admit another thing, Google Maps saved our lives.

Walking along Victoria Street, I came to a halt, suddenly realising that I had my face nose-deep into following my sat-nav that I actually forgot that I didn't set it to our hotel. However, after stopping and lifting my eyes from my device I turned to my left and found that we had unknowingly stopped right outside our destination.

How handy.

The hotel door swivelled, you know, the ones that always become a key area of the hotel where guests and employees get stuck in, on television shows anyway. It was great and terrifying at the same time.

Our room was lush and so was the ability to finally sit down.

After getting dressed for the evening, after much deliberation, (or not, as it was the only additional outfit that I had actually packed) I decided to go for a black, 3/4 sleeve shift dress from Matalan, tights and black, patent, heeled brogues from Tesco’s as my outfit. For a pop of colour I added my red scarf that is also from Tesco’s.

At around 6 o'clock we left to explore Victoria Street before the show.

I also forgot my contact solution and these were a fresh pair of contacts. Rookie error. I was so thankful when I remembered that some shops in London don't close until late, Specsavers was one of these.

We struggled with killing time on this section of Victoria Street we found that Hotel Chocolat and Pret A Manger (they're everywhere) was the best we could do. At 6:36pm we made our way over to the Apollo Victoria Theatre. Roadworks were happening everywhere over the two days that we were in London and I mean crossing the street is just a struggle for me anyway let alone with five hundred roadworks going on!

We turned up just on time to the show and there was a bit of waiting time to kill until the doors opened at 7pm. I used this time to order popcorn in a bucket (a purchase that cost way too much), I then went to the counter to order a drink. A very sophisticated drink mind you.

A mixed slushie.

In a Wicked plastic cup.

I kid you not.

After leaving the counter, adamant that I would not spend any more money, I spotted a lady holding programmes and I just had to. When would I ever get this chance ever again anytime soon?

So as the doors opened, we ran through to the centre of the theatre and sat in the second row from the front with my expensive popcorn, Wicked mug and programme like a true 21 year old. It was my first time seeing a musical theatre production in the West End, what else was I supposed to do?

I remember, as the curtains opened and the first song opened, I thanked the Lord that I was able to experience this. It was a breath-taking performance, reeling me into the storyline from start to finish. I sat in awe of the vocal ability, the band in the pit's skill, the wonderful wardrobe and the mystifying element that the set brought. The combination of all of these was positively electrifying and I left so sad that it was all over and wanting to be in the West End.

After coming back to the hotel, I had a bath and then I crashed. Ready and rejuvenated for the next day. Breakfast and Jesus kept me going in the morning, I had a full English and chose what I thought was a cinnamon roll but was in fact not. We returned to the hotel room where me and mum listened to worship music and she prayed profusely on some thing's I was going through in my life and after feeling peaceful and joyous we finally checked out of the hotel and headed towards Big Ben.

Big Ben is our landmark, if you were given London in a game of Pictionary best believe you'll draw either Big Ben, the London Eye or the Queen. It's a building that even I, as a British citizen living an hour away from London still stand in awe of. It was built so intricately and at such a large scale. But yes, amazement aside, we walked along the Victorian Embankment for so long just talking. I loved spending time with my mum, she's basically a best friend of mine and I can honestly tell her anything. We talked for so long that we actually missed our route to Covent Garden that we had to walk 15 minutes back to get to it.

By this time Ma and I were getting a little weary, I found a Paperchase and surprisingly enough only bought one pen. Anyone who knows me knows that this is a miracle in itself! Covent Garden's Jubilee Market was our next stop and I bought a simple, gorgeous silver ring from a lovely lady's stall for £10.

Charing Cross Station is only a 3 minute walk away from Covent Garden and as we waved our last goodbye to London for treating us so well, it was a bittersweet ending and a London trip that I will not be so soon to forget. 

LET'S TALK: Without your face paint

About a week ago I left my house without face make-up.

For some this step may not seem the biggest greatest grandest revelation of all time but for me, it was a step into defeating a stronghold that I didn't even recognise I had in my life.

From as far back as I can remember I was able, I wore make-up. For Christmas I would get plastic make-up sets and really cheap eyeshadows. I don't particularly recall the influence of my obsession for make-up but I was enthralled by the transformation. Part of me, although hesitantly, wants to say that it was the influence of television that did it for I watched a lot of american television shows. The era when Mary-kate and Ashley and the Disney Channel graced our television screens.

I was fascinated by its ability to make me feel and look like a different person. 

However, there were times where I would view it as accentuating what God gave me and ultimately I thought that I just thoroughly enjoyed putting it on, like a painter placing brushes on the edge of a masterpiece. 

Of course all of this would end up with me having to spend money on products that I felt I needed. I didn't discover foundation/face makeup until secondary school so around 15/16 I was amazed at the fact that this liquid was able to hide that huge spot that invaded half of my head. 

I was a newbie to this side of the make-up world and made mistake after mistake and still am learning today. Finding the perfect shade is hard am I right ladies?! So by this time, I had really gotten into Youtube, I started a channel with one of my best friends Leyla. It was scary and exciting at the same time because we were putting ourselves out there but it also made me feel really conscious about how I looked. 

My obsession with Youtube was ever growing, 

I enjoyed watching drugstore hauls and make-up tutorial after make-up tutorial. I started working around 17 and the new found money in my pocket enabled me to buy whatever I wanted, so I did.

I can't even tell you how much money I spent on make-up, I'd probably return it all now but let's just say I enjoyed it so much, more than clothes shopping because in my head it was cheaper, but of course, these things add up. 

So fast forward to college years, 16 to 18 years old, I began to become dependent on make-up, it wasn't something I essentially hid behind, I felt comfortable in my skin and didn't lather it on like moisturiesr after a shower but enjoyed the process and soon after, I was unable to leave the house without it. The period between 14 years old through to around 19 were pivotal moments in life for me, I got into relationships, juggled my weight and dealt with body image issues. 

Don't get me wrong I still have those days where I'm like "bleurgh" but nowadays it's different and normally comes in the form of comparison, which is an unhealthy mindset to be in, and is something that I give to the Lord constantly. But those five years really was a time where the Lord was moulding me.I went from hurt to healing and freedom. It was a time when deliverance and prayer was needed and essential, I didn't know it then but the Lord had a purpose to it all.

So after my gap year I came to university. I was single and I was focused on making tight friendships, if I meet a guy that's great but I was not ready at all. the Lord was still dealing with things from my past and I was willing to go through it because I knew freedom was on the other side. Going through my first year I don't ever think I left halls without make-up, not one day at all. I was almost really self-conscious to be seen not wearing make-up in front of the close friends I made. Make-up gave me confidence. That and the combination of my new found contacts that I enjoyed wearing because I despised wearing glasses, my confidence would plummet when I wore them so I just wouldn't. 

So here I was, going through first year of university with a new found confidence and creating friendships, getting planted into a church, getting involved with the Christian Union, doing a degree in what I love to do most. The people in my life that I have managed to surround myself with have always been very complimentary. For ages I loved it, I almost thrived on it, but to an unhealthy point where if I didn't receive a compliment from someone and I had worked hard on looking good, I would get seriously upset, my mind would spiral and I would convince myself that I didn't try hard enough and I would try harder next time. As you can probably tell, this kind of mindset was not only unhealthy to be in but it was a very expensive thing to uphold and in my first year I racked up the debt, my overdraft became a regular and then a permanent friend of mine but I just kept going. Have you ever watched Confessions of a Shopaholic? Yeah, not as much, but very close.  

So this brings me to my second year of university. again that dependence on make-up still strong but in the second term, something shifted. My best friend Viki hit a point of breakthrough, she had already hit it in the summer when we went to a camp called Momentum, she realised it was an idol and didn't wear it. I was convicted because I couldn't not put makeup on especially with the fact that there were Christian guys around. 

In second term of university she saw her dependence and the time that it took to put make-up on as something she didn't want to deal with anymore. So she began to not wear it. For her it was daunting at first and she was convinced that everyone was looking at her but they weren't. This second term, although it took me a while to jump on the band wagon I began to see the freedom that she got from it. So one day I did it. I wore no foundation/concealer/bronzer/blush and I wore my glasses as well to a lecture and CU. I was petrified. Petrified of what everyone would think of me. I was self conscious and couldn't stop looking at all of my spots in my phones camera. It made me realise so many things about myself that I hadn't dealt with. Although it took years until I could actually walk out of the house without make-up it brought liberty and I had to constantly fight back the thoughts of my skin burning holes into peoples eyes. Viki and Maddie my best friends and sisters at university have been encouraging, inspiring and motivating not only I, but eachother and others to embrace our God given beauty. They have been nothing but supportive, their words have impacted my life and enabled me to view myself differently. Although I feel like I still have a long way to go, I'm not alone and I have full faith that the Lord is going to bring me through it.

If you related to anything that I wrote in this post, comment, I'd love to chat with you. I would also like to encourage you with this a facebook post that Viki wrote attached with a make-up less photo of us:

This morning as I sat down to put my make up on, I realised how uncomfortable I would be leaving the house without it, and how much it had become an idol in my life. In a world where outer beauty is appreciated more than inner beauty, I believe it is so important to realise where your identity really comes from. So instead of painting on layers of make up, I listened to this incredible song which made me realise that even though I may not look perfect, and don’t have the airbrushed look that we see everyday on instagram, God still sees me as beautiful and that’s all the confirmation of self worth that I need. I stand with the belief that all of us are made in His image and our self-worth comes completely from him, and with this belief comes bravery and courage, so here are me and two of my beautiful best friends, bare faced, imperfect and still courageous daughters of God!

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

2015: Year Reflection

If I was to describe 2015 in one word, that word would simply be: Growth. 

It was the year that I was challenged in different aspects of my life that I would have previously shyed away from. It was in accepting opportunities that enabled me to step out of my comfort zone that allowed me to really free-fall into what God had in store for me. It was a year of trusting that He would make a way when I almost thought it impossible.

The first few months of 2015 involved an amazing trip to the Isle of Wight with my church, a weekend of revival in the hearts of many. I got through exams and deadlines and enjoyed a snippet of summer with my university friends.

During the summer I was able to go on holiday with one of my long-time best friends Leyla, to Spain. It was my first time on a plane which was both scary and enjoyable. A few weeks later I was able to go to the Philippines to meet my mother's side of the family, I was able to stay there for a month, travelling around the Philippines and enjoying their beautiful culture. Towards the end of summer I was able to go to Momentum with my home church at University, it was an incredible week. I became Course Rep at my university for Journalism with English Literature. I had my first article published in the Galleon, our university's student newspaper. I sung on the Christian Union worship team that pushed me right out of my comfort zone but thankfully into His arms. We were able to hold a wonderful CU Carol Concert that enabled me to trust in Him even more. I was asked to be a Small Group leader at our Church, something that involved stepping up in and listening to what the Lord had to say. I managed to get into the first violin section in my University Orchestra, it serves as a reminder to play out loud.

I was able to reunite with my Dad's side of the family which proved emotional at times. I was able to appreciate my immediate family's presence more so than the last year. Every day He is softening my heart and I am so appreciative of who He is moulding me into. 

There are so many people in my life that I have to thank as this year's chapter closes, so many people I hold dear to my heart and only wish to be a better best friend, friend, daughter, cousin, neice, family friend to them all. All of whom I could not have done this year without. So here's to those that I have known, that I have just met and that I am to meet in the future.

Every year the Lord surprises me in ways that I would never have imagined. He brought me to places that had me awe-struck, places that moved me, places that I never would have dreamed I would be standing in. He brought me to the end of myself where I found the beginning of Him. The times where I was searching so desperately for something to satisfy the craving in my soul, the only craving that could be satisfied by the one who made it. 

There have been seasons of my life this year that have been barren and dry, hopeless and broken. A time of finding, searching for excuses - anything, for justification, validation, approval or some kind of applause. I searched and searched and they returned to me void. They were empty, worthless things that weren't good for my soul. I had no choice but to turn to Him, despite knowing all along that He was more than enough, I was stubborn and selfish and wanted to find it out for myself. How much time I wasted, yet He doesn't see it like that. It was in those seasons that I was able to find Him, time and time again despite reaching the end of myself. I was in a process of learning, who He was, who I am and who He has called me to be.

I am learning day by day, more and more about myself and who God created me to be. I am learning in the dark, barren, times of weakness, caked in sin times that He is all I need. I am learning to come to a place of repentence continuously, trusting in the Lord and the freedom He offers. I am learning to equip myself with His word, eager to learn more about what it truly means to come to Him with everything I have. Learning time and time again obedience and trust in His mercy, grace and lovingkindness. What an incredible, romantic, wonderful God I serve.

As I look back on the year I thank Jesus for dying for me on the cross, for taking on my sin despite it being mine to bear. I'm praying that this new year will be a time for more trust, obedience, love and expectancy in Him. Trusting Him in the process, because He's worth it. 

Even though I may:

• fear, He is there.
• be impatient, He has a plan.
• doubt, He knows.
• fall, He stands.
• feel ashamed, there is no shame in His eyes.
• not understand, His wisdom and knowledge surpasses it all.
• despise, He loves.

So this year my New Year's resolutions are as follows:

• to let His love determine my actions, words, steps, life.
• to not doubt myself
• to love courageously
• to tread boldly
• to speak even when my voice shakes
• to fall continuously in love with Him.
• to focus
• to trust in His process.

Christmas in a Rented Apartment Photo Diary

It is currently Christmas Eve, I am sitting in the fluffiest pyjama set I've ever worn. Gold nail varnish adorns my nails and a full face of make-up from the day lies on my face. We sit and watch a Christmas Carol service on BBC One stuffing our faces with chocolate and shortbread. It all goes down well with a tea.

This year Mum wanted to make Christmas extra special for us so she rented an Apartment for us to stay in for 5 days. It is a beautiful, quaint apartment that overlooks the sea, the views are incredible and the furniture is wonderfully in tune with the theme of Christmas. It is wonderful to get away for the holidays, in a different place making wonderful memories with people that I love and cherish.

Christmas for the Divorced Family

I used to get so excited about Christmas in my younger years. I would wake up in the early hours of the morning, grab the pillowcase of presents that Santa left us and crawl onto my Mum and Dad's bed waiting patiently with eager eyes for the moment they would wake up and allow us to delve into them.

Fast forward three years from our last Christmas together as a family and at times I still long to do that very same, simple thing.

My parents are divorced now, they separated three years ago, it was something that shook mine and my brother's life immensely. We both were left to deal with it in our own way fighting the feelings of abandonment and rejection away with our own methods. For me, it was a time where I had no choice but to get closer to the Lord, a time when He was carving me into strength and hope, in His name only. It was a time when I would have no choice but to press into Him because in Him I found no rejection. Life was happening, it was crumbling and falling apart but He was there.

Now we have arrived at our first Christmas where they are officially divorced and not just separated. It was now that each parent had to make a decision on where they would like me and brother to be and at what time. We are both old enough to make our own decisions and each gave us options and we would have to weigh them out. This was hard, there's a lot more to consider when deciding on who spends time with who. You have to take into account whether one will be alone on certain days, whether it was easier for me and my brother to separate and how each parent would feel if we did so and so with so and so.

I wanted that postcard Christmas, where families get along, are all surrounded by each other, playing board games and wearing cheesy Christmas jumpers. Eating food to the point of lying horizontal on the sofa and then watching Christmas movies while playing with presents, sat in front of the fire listening to Frank Sinatra.

Reality is, all of those things sure, they might happen but what if Christmas isn't like that for you. What if it's filled with loneliness and unhappiness reminding you only a time that carries remnants of a broken family and broken expectations?

There has been one thing that has brought me through every Christmas where we had to break up the day to spend time with each parent. One thing that has kept me going amidst the feelings of abandonment and rejection. One beautiful, crucial thing that has kept me together and far from falling apart while watching families that are complete. One thing that makes me grateful and thankful for life and the very idea of me even breathing.

For me, Christmas time is ultimately about Jesus. He is the reason for the season, He is why we live and move and breathe. Keep this at the forefront of your mind throughout this season even when all other expectations fall below what you wished for.

Jesus is more to me than just a baby born in a manger, a baby we sing carols about and occasional learn about at Christmas and Easter. He is my everything.

So what's like Christmas for the Divorced family?
It is a time to overlook past hurt, pain and suffering. A time to look forward to God moving in your family situation if we simply just keep our faith in Him. It is a time to ask the Lord for healing and restoration in relationships and broken expectations, a time to heal scars and wounds from words and pain. It is a time where the Lord longs for you to press into Him so he can bring comfort, peace and joy in this beautiful time remembering the Saviour of the world and how glorious He is.