Growing in His Grace

This morning I was led back to Him. I'm learning to return back to Him and to run towards Him ferociously. I've learnt that I can barely do a day without Him and while dependence on someone is not encouraged, dependence on Him is not a weakness but something that gives you strength, rather than taking parts of you and then breaking them because people fail He keeps every part of You and in Him there's no better place to be.

Sometimes we can fool ourselves into thinking we can do life solely on our own but our hearts were made to love, to love people and it longs for community which means interaction which means getting to know people, loving their imperfections and being a reflection of what and who Jesus is all about.

I want to share a little bit of what's been on my heart lately and I love being candid with what I'm going through and although I am a little wary online and how different things can be interpreted this whole idea of being real with people, being honest with people is something I've really struggled with.

I don't know whether it's British culture (granted, that's a bit of an overgeneralisation) to not talk about your problems, your struggles or whether it's a pride thing. You see I've been really struggling with the idea of not being perfect. I used to view it in a way that I knew in my mind was unattainable but in my heart I longed so deperately after it. My longing to be spotless and without blemish in the Lord's eyes, there's no bad thing about it, if anything that's a great motivation to be ruthless with sin. However when my longing to be spotless and without blemish in man's eyes overrode that, that's when I realised that a God thing had become a bad thing.

I used to want people to get at least the impression that I didn't deal with anything when in reality there have been days where I've felt so ashamed in His presence that I couldn't even bring myself to come before Him with what I'd done. Now, cue the minds of you, the wonderful person reading this, to think "what are the sins that she goes through?" hopefully in not a bid to judge me, though our flesh may sometimes want to, but in a bid to understand my way of thinking and in a hope that maybe you can relate to my struggles and my failings because we're all going through something no matter how big or how small, we are always going through something, we will always struggle with something this side of heaven. Does this mean that we just give up? No, because He died for so much more than us giving up, if anything His death and resurrection should not be undermined by what we feel, what we want to do and how we ourselves perceive our own sin. 

Giving up is easy but only temporarily, to follow Jesus and to trust in Him to change you, to refine you on your walk with Him despite being wrecked by sin, when you come to a true understanding of just how important He is and should be in your life and how much of an incredible impact He has had on your life is even more of an incentive to give Him glory despite our failings. He is there in the process, He is there in your weakness, He is there when your shame feels greater than His presence, He is there when you think you've reached the end of yourself and when you don't feel like there's enough grace for Him to reach out to you. He is there and He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is constant and unchanging. There has never been a moment in your God-breathed life that He has loved you less,  He has always loved you with an everlasting love, a steadfast love an incredible incomprehensible love that knows no bounds.

We can choose to step into His love or we can choose to stay drenched in shame, guilt and overcome by our sin.

It's a concept that can be really hard to accept, it can be a constant process of asking Him to remind us of His mercy and grace and how He died so that we may be free. To live for Him, to serve Him and to love Him with every fibre of our being. We are constantly growing in grace, growing in His love, growing in compassion what will your decision be?

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Knowing Your Worth

I typed out the title of this blog post wordering whether or not I remembered my own worth. 

Sometimes we find our worth in things, vanity, relationships, friendships, likes on social media, our hobbies or our interests. For me I've tried to find my worth in the way I've looked, the way I've acted, the way I've interacted with people, I've based it in comparison to other people and I've tried time and time again to fix myself up in order to disguise the pain of feeling unworthy and guilty and shameful but time and time again I am led back to one thing that holds me altogether even when I feel like I'm falling apart, that one thing is Jesus.

Jesus who calls me worthy, Jesus who died hanging on the cross and still called me worthy, Jesus who looks straight into my soul, my spirit and all that I am drenched in sin and calls me worthy. 

I'm writing this post as a reminder to not only you, you beautiful soul but also to myself. You see my worth's taken a recent kick in my side and I've questioned every single part of my body, examined every part of my personality, done the whole, what have they got that I don't have and what have I got that they don't have. I've looked for affirmation laced in other peoples words and measured up my worth against them but you see the cycle keeps on going. There are on days and off days where I have to keep reminding myself of my worth and everything that Jesus calls me to be. It can be a constant monthly, weekly, daily, hourly reminder. Sometimes I can be so consumed in my own thoughts that I think myself sick, to the point of tears, to the further point of ugly crying into the sky (or a pillow) and pleading, begging the Lord to help me, mould me and change my unhealthy way of thinking. 

Normally I would write a conclusion to my blog posts, to recentre my own thoughts as I write them and gather them after having scrambled them all onto a page but today I just want to leave it at this: knowing my worth is a process, sometimes we can know it in our head and sometimes it doesn't reach our hearts. Head to heart knowledge is important and I'm in that process now. That process of being taught and disciplined by the Lord who knows exactly what is best for me. So after crying my eyes out to Alex G's song Everything and Alessia Cara's song Scars To Your Beautiful - I didn't have any words to say to the Lord, all I wanted to do was cry and that's all I had in me in that moment and maybe just maybe my tears, in that exact moment, spoke so much more louder than my words could ever say.

But I don't feel like I should end this blog post that way, a conclusion can be even more important than how I start this so let me try again. 

Your worth is not dependant on what a boy says to you, your worth is not dependant on what you see in the mirror, what you eat, what you wear, how you are, whether you have it all together or are crumbling and breaking inside - despite what you're feeling your worth is dependant on an eternal, most high King, a King fiercely and passionately in pursuit of your love and your attention. He sings your beauty over Him and our beauty is found solely in Him. He remains the same yesterday, today and forever, the only thing unchanging and knowing your worth in this way, well, it changes everything. 


“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ... " - Matthew 6:25-34

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:10

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. - Isaiah 43:4

TRAVEL: Escape and Pray - getting there

On the 17th of June I woke up at 4am, now normally I would protest to waking up this early in the day especially as I made the choice of going to sleep at 1am a few hours before but today I was waking up to embark on an unknown journey and I was so ready. So 4am, come at me. 

I dragged my sleeping body to the bathroom, washed, dressed and brushed my teeth. I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was, which is strange because I'm always hungry. After putting on a mascara, eyeliner, lipstick and eyebrow powder I put my glasses on slung my vibrant coloured and patterned Accessorize backpack over my shoulders and went outside to meet my mum at the glorious hour of 5:15am.

We drove all the way to London Stanstead Airport as the world was waking up, I glanced around wondering what all of these cars were doing up. Now I've only really been in airports in the last two years, in that time I've been in quite a few however the difference today was that I had no idea where I was going. 

Me and three other friends from my home church in Portsmouth were going to take part in something called Escape and Pray run by Fusion we were 1 of the 100 teams flying out in this month and our mission was simply this:  pray for the university, connect with the church and use our faith to improvise & be ready to be used by God.

I viewed it as a wonderful and exciting way to exercise my faith. In a situation that forces me to be used for His glory and to trust in Him completely. 

Now, in all honesty I hadn't really prepared, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to prepare I just wanted Him to use me and maybe reveal a few things in my heart, maybe some attitudes and actions that I'd been doing previously so that he could incite change into me. So in a place where I was protected by comfort and the noise but where it would be just me and Him and me discovering more about His character and His provision. This was to be an unforgettable adventure.

I arrived at the airport first, there weren’t many people there as I expected but there was still a bustle, an excited bustle that stag parties and families created. I was in search for breakfast and once we found a place that did a killer sausage sandwich and tea, I hugged goodbye to my mum and greeted Rhiannon with a huge hug. Together we ate breakfast, talked about our adventure and life up until now. Our excitement was tangible and as our group leader Naomi joined us with the envelope we waited for our fourth member Sabrina so that we could open it.

Naomi gave us our Escape and Pray t-shirts and no joke, mine was really small despite buying a large (sorry Fusion but your sizing’s are out a bit –still love you though).

I suppose by this point you’d want to ask me what on earth I would pack for such an adventure and not only am I queen of packing at the last minute (not a good thing) I’ll tell you that I actually over packed by a LOT.

Here’s what I brought with me:

·         A large sweater
·         Black long Bardot top
·         Escape and Pray T-shirt
·         A patterned dress
·         Red patterned skort
·         2 pairs of black leggings
·         3 pairs of socks, 4 pants
·         Roll-on deodorant
·         Toothbrush and toothpaste
·         Mascara, eyeliner, eyebrow powder, 1x Nyx lipgloss
·         Mini dove shower gel, mini Simple moisturiser
·         Make-up wipes
·         Bible
·         Notepad
·         Pen

·         Headphones
·         Raincoat
·         Trainers
·         Flip-flops
·         Towel

Yes, I over packed. I didn’t wear the patterned dress, I had knickers and socks left over and I didn’t even need my towel either. My bag was constantly heavily but I used everything else (justified).

So here it was, the shiny orange envelope that enveloped (get it) our destination, challenges and money. I filmed it, the video should be at the end of this blog post.

WE WERE GOING TO AARHUS, DENMARK!

We had about an hour and a half to go until we had to board our flight so we prayed before we got in contact with people. We prayed that His will be done, for His provision, an increase in faith and thankfulness to be able to do this opportunity.

We made a Facebook status of our destination and we asked anyone with contacts if they could get in contact with us. I tweeted multiple churches in Aarhus and I came across a website called International Harvest Christian Center and e-mailed Pastor Frank who had a church in Aarhus. Naomi had recently watched a film entitled The Last Reformation and their church was located in Denmark also so we sent an e-mail out to them also.

This was my first time on a Ryanair flight although the plane was small it reminded me of the first plane I was on last year with Easyjet. The plane ride was short, admiring the clouds from above and watching the world wake up below was always wonderful and everything about our plane journey ran smoothly. An hour or so later, we arrived on Denmark soil...

To be continued...

TRAVEL: A few date Ideas for Summer!

Summer is officially here and although if you had told me that I would be in a relationship the summer after second year I would've been like "yeah, right". But here I am, writing a summer date ideas post. I apologise for my absence! If you're stuck for ideas of what to do, regardless of your relationship status, grab your girlfriends/boyriends and get to reading these activities that you can do! 

Sky Garden 

I had always heard of Sky Garden but seeing as I didn't really frequent London other activities seemed to surpass it. Finding the walkie talkie building was easy enough, we simply saw it and followed streets to get to it. We determined our proximity to it by glancing up into the sky to see if we could still see it. When we arrived we got confused about how to get in, completely ignoring the long line of people waiting to get in. This sky garden must be popular then? We went at around 1:15 and although the line looked long we were in the lift in no time. When I saw the lift number go up to floor 35 I was freaking out. So fast as well, my ears were popping all about the place! 

Upon walking out onto the sky garden you are captivated by the view. You see London does a pretty good job of making you feel really small but from up there, when your eyes adjust to the brightness London itself seems small. It's breathtaking looking upon such a renowned city laced with incredible history and having it seem so small.

Next stop, food. I'm telling you guys, everything is so Pinterest, it's great. But, as you may figure, expensive. I bought a chocolate doughnut and Tariq bought a chocolate Brownie. And oh my goodness, they were both so mouth-wateringly delicious, I salivated to the point of embarassment. When we finished up every last crumb of those beautiful baked goods we went outside to really grasp the windswept look and have a bit of a vertigo moment as we stared down the vastness of the building we were on. 

Inside you are able to view various plants and trees and wonderful green things that go up each side of the venue. You are able to walk up the stairs to see London from all sides. At the top of the stairs we found a bench to sit on opposite the beautiful cityscape and we played eye-spy like adults. 

So, you only get an hour but honestly an hour is enough, although it was easy to lose track of time with him, you're also concious that you might be breaking Sky Garden's law of the land by outstaying your welcome. So after admiring the views and eating pastries we left and explored London in search of affordable food. 

Picnic in a Park

I understand that a picnic in a park can be done almost everywhere within England. But there was something about lying down in this particular park surrounded by streets and places which he called home, talking about life and basically everything while watching the sky. Something that I wasn't used to in this particular sky was vast amount of planes that passed by all at once. At most I saw about five at one time. Which was fascinating to me because where I live, I see at most one at a time and from a very long distance away. So grab a picnic blanket, some sandwiches, crisps, a frisbee, uno and brace yourself for conversation and plane watching. 

 Go to the theatre

I have been so so very blessed this year to be introduced to the amazing world of musical theatre. After watching Wicked I wanted to see so many more. So while I was down in London this time we were able to see Guys and Dolls and it was incredible. I'm still captivated by the sheer determination that they have to go through to do shows back to back and still sing like it was the last show they'd ever do. I was hooked on the plotline, the songs, the love story throughout it all. I even got annoyed at the fact we had an interval!

One of my favourite things to look at when I go to the theatre is admire the band in the pit. The conductor of this particular band also played the keyboard..while conducting. A professional to say the least, and I was in awe. Like I always am with musical talent like that. So despite the theatre costing a lot of money, what you're paying for is so worth it. Help support them and their craft!

The O2 Arena Greenwich

I have been here once before for Hillsong London's 10th Anniversary which was a while ago and I'm pretty sure they've done it up a lot since I was last here. We visited their cinema and watched the live action Jungle Book movie. We also noticed there was an offer on the back of our ticket for a burger place called Byron - Proper Hamburgers. Originally we planned to go to Gourmet Burger Kitchen but it was still so so yummy. Upon leaving Byron's we looked for other things to do, we noticed they had bowling but bowling as a show, a rock show. Which was awesome. However we decided to just head home. The surrounding areas of the O2 Arena are also wonderful to explore so I would suggest just roaming about the place and people-watching. 

Explore

I could never tire of exploring an area, His beauty can be seen in everything and sometimes it requires stepping out and searching for it. Plus walking grants a wonderful opportunity to talk and admire the God's creation together. 

The Beach

If you live near the beach this is perfect for a date idea because you can dip your toes in the sea, try and push each other into the sea, have sandcastle/fortress competitions, build sandcastles together and skim stones. All of these are exactly what we did, we've been to the beach everytime time he's come down to mine and we always end up doing just that. 

Whatever you end up doing with your boyfriend/girlfriend it's so important to spend that time cherishing one another, having conversations that are happy and that can also be tough. It's a time to get to know each other and see each other in different situations. Enjoy the blessing that a relationship can bring so that you create wonderful memories. Also thank the Lord that you are able to have this, to experience this and give everything to Him. When He is at the core of your being that is when you know that regardless, whatever happens between you and your relationships, life, its hardships you can lie firm in the fact that He holds you and calls you His love, first and foremost. 

Catch the Sunset

I never realised how close freedom was until I asked the Lord for it. I had forgotten what true peace was until He granted me it. I remembered what joy felt like when I entered into His presence.

A few days ago Viki, Maddie and I decided to dress up in florals and watch the sunset. 

I'm such a sucker for a sunset I immediately agreed. We found the Southsea Rock Gardens in Portsmouth and explored around there before we went to the beach. As we climbed the bank up onto a space that overlooked our city we knew that we had to capture this moment. After running, tumbling, falling over, jumping and laughing until our faces hurt it made me really come to a place of appreciating the moment. Appreciating the fact that we're able to be spontaneous and joyful in moments where we're on the edge of breakthrough. On this day, I had gone from experiencing complete unrest, confusion and frustration to ending the day with joy. It made me think how, not only must I live in the moment but I must live in the moment that the Lord has given me and live freely in Him. 

I mustn't forget how He is moulding me even in my moments of despair. 

Choosing to step out of my door, into a taxi (don't judge), onto the seafront, in a place where my flesh just wanted to sit in a corner and sleep was a choice I made because I held onto the hope that this is not all that there is for me. And if I just appreciate His creation, His magnificent creation and be present and in the moment - it is there where I can physically experience the beauty He has enabled us to witness at the hands of His marvellous mastery.

"Those who live at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your wonders . From where the sun rises to where it sets, you inspire shouts of joy." Psalm 65:8 (NLT)

Overcoming Heartbreak

I want to be able to pour out of myself all that I learned in the times of heartbreak that I have experienced in the past. I think that heartbreak and getting through heartbreak is such an important thing to talk about because these experiences, they shape us and form us into who we are today. They are able to build us stronger, heal us or they can break us. It is ultimately our decision on how we allow it to define us. 

Hurt and pain are both things that we are sure to come across sometime in our lives and for some, you may be going through them right now but know that despite their regular appearances in our lives, they are temporary feelings and you will get past this.

When I think of the first time I got my heart broken, I could refer to my first crush. I could recall a time where someone’s words broke me or I could refer to a friendship that I lost. I could also recall a time where my family fell apart or when I lost someone I loved or when I didn’t get the exam result that I had longed for. The truth is, I probably wouldn’t be able to recall the first time that I got my heart broken because there are so many times that it has happened that they have all merged together and made it almost impossible for me to string them all into a timeline. 

Along with heartbreak comes tears and numbness, anger, frustration and sadness. Moments when you feel like your prayers hit a wall and when you feel like you're screaming into nowhere. It assumes its form in different ways each time my heart breaks, sometimes it's only one of those feelings and other times all of them at once.

Our heart, is an organ inside our bodies. Some say “follow your heart” when it comes to making big decisions in our lives but does this mean to seriously say they are saying “follow your organs”. Maybe following your heart means to follow what your spirit/your soul says. Maybe it’s an expression of the idea that if this vital organ was to actually break that it would mean a life would be lost? Either way, for some it can literally be a physical response to pain. Recent studies have actually come up in finding out whether heartbreak can occur literally and there is a connection between emotional pain and a literal form of heartbreak.  That pain and suffering that we experience in life would be so detrimental to our insides that it would stop giving us life and blood to all of the other important areas in our bodies enabling our bodies to go into shutdown mode. 

Heart break can be as simple as saying, something happened to me and now, in this moment, I feel broken. I feel like I can’t function, like I have nothing to live for. And I think the beauty of who the Lord is and the moment that He is able to step in for someone that is in that place and just simply meet them where they’re at is remarkable. 

For someone to look at you in your loneliness, abandonment, fear, pain, suffering, hurt and through the tears, the snotty noses, the smudged mascara and say, “I'm here, I'm with You” in such a way that allows us to surrender our own strength so that we are able to deal not with heartbreak on our own but because, how else are we supposed to deal with it effectively if it were not for the creator of our very being to wash it away? 

I think that the way the world would deal with such a thing as heartbreak, an experience so frequently met with all walks of life, all generations, is that time is the healer. Which in some ways is true, time is involved in overcoming heartbreak but time is also associated with all parts of our lives because that is what we determine our days with. It doesn’t stop when we experience heartbreak, it keeps going, just like it keeps going if you were experiencing a season over overwhelming joy or financial growth. Time is always going to be involved because it is what we measure our lives here on earth with. So taking that aspect of time and then flipping it into searching for the Creator of time itself and giving our heartbreak to Him, I mean, isn’t that a much better solution than just time itself? Is not His power so great and mighty and wonderful and freeing that we cannot give it all to Him straight away?

Through broken-hearts the Lord also has the ability to teach us. One thing He may teach us during these times are humility and being of a contrite heart. Contrite meaning “feeling or expressing remorse at the recognition that one has done wrong”. So without this feeling of our heart breaking we aren't able to appreciate the times in our lives where joy and laughter are found. These feelings that we go through are there to enable us to rely heavily upon the Lord to bring us through. To come to a place of, asking for forgiveness from an ex, from a family member, over a loss of friendship are we are able to come to a place of repenting and turning away from our sins and to be healed from it. 

“For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart – These, O God, You will not despise” Psalm 51:16-17.

I will simply say nothing more than the simple fact that the one thing that has helped me through every single kind of heartache/heartbreak there is and has been in my whole 21 years of living and beyond, is Jesus.

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

In the moments where I delayed my heartbreak, I lost focus on Him. In the times where my heartbreak was healed the most, I took it straight to Him and never looked back. I think it’s important to be in the mind-set of having full faith in His healing power, it is not necessary to be in that place, but it sure does help. In moments where I know I have to bring something to the Lord, I tell Him outright exactly what I’m dealing with in as much detail as possible. I will probably cry the river Nile, sob, get frustrated and have deliverance and all of the pain and the hurt, I will give to Him. It can be a process and only I can make it a longer process than I need it to but it is a process worth going through, worth being refined through and worth experiencing. “The thing about pain. It demands to be felt” this Fault in Our Stars quote has been such a memorable string of words for me since the first time I heard it until now. It is true, it demands to be felt, so cry. Cry for as long as you like, yell, journal, scream into a pillow, take a long walk and pick at a tree bark. However long it takes, don’t try to keep it in. Pain is our body's response to something not being quite right within our bodies. So feel it, give it to the Lord, ask Him for healing.

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Psalm 34:17-22.

Do not let heartbreak defeat you, define you or lie to you and tell you that things won’t get better and that this is all there is because I can tell you right now that it most certainly is not all that there is and if we are looking to step into who God has called us to be, we need to not be ruled by heartbreak, we need to not be ruled by our past, our struggles, our pain – everything that is in opposition to who God says you are has no place, has no authority, Jesus conquered it all on the cross. Pray and surround yourself in His presence.

“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3. 

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

I long to know the specific timeframe of just how long your heartbreak will last but that is impossible. Time doesn’t tell us the exact moment our heartbreak will stop but its creator says “hold onto Me, and I will bring you through it”. The only thing we can quite possibly hang onto is the Lord, who pays no attention to a specific time frame, whose being is not restricted by hours, days, months or years but exists outside of time and pours out His love onto us and meets us where we are. He is One who knows you, knows your heart, what you’re going through and He is MORE than capable of taking on all that you are feeling because He has already paid for it on the cross.

“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good work and work.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

"You heard the voice of my supplications. When I cried out to You. Oh, love the Lord all you His saints' For the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person. Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord." - Psalm 31:22

Known

There are many things in life that have the ability to move you. A child interacting with their mother, bubbles on a warm summer's day, the final setting of the sun as it comes to a close. 

Different things move different people. 

For me, it is nature, God's creation is what moves me the most. The remains of how God intended His earth to be. 

Flowers, constellations, clear blue skies, fields of yellow, gold and green, cloud-watching, tumbling waves on the ocean, towering trees overhead, forrests of entangled branches, freshly cut grass, the intricacy of a flowerhead. 

It urges me to interact with it. I imagine running through the fields in floral dresses, brushing past the flowers, my breath catching on the breeze and my hair flying in each direction. It urges me to make daisy chains and flower crowns and drink iced caramel lattes with my body nuzzled into the earth's floor. It makes me want to read novels and His word and write down dreams in gold paged notebooks. To sing intricate melodies into the spaces around me and to worship Him from the depths of my soul. To listen to beautiful piano music through my headphones and to dip my toes in the sparkling sea. To run away from the foams and waves and to skim stones into the ocean and watch it jump the sea's surface. It urges me to dance upon the sand barefoot and gaze longingly into the horizon. To dream dreams and think lovely thoughts about the future, the past the present and to long for adventures throughout the world, searching for things that move me, that inspire me to be in awe of Him. To encounter moments that leave me speechless, breathless and in search of the right words to describe its beauty. Word that come back void because they cannot even compute or comprehend just how incredible the sights are. 

Lord, in everything, teach me to find its beauty. Teach me to look at the world through a lense of compassion and understanding. Teach me how to be like you, to have and experience the greatest love the world has ever known. You are my Father and You care for me. You are my Father who not only resides in heaven but also here on earth. There in the constellations, there in the spaces that they occupy, there in the ocean depths and below and there in the sky where I stare into when I talk to Him. There in the dry seasons, there when life gets too much to bear, there when I feel like my prayers hit a wall, when I feel alone, when I feel empty. 

He's as real to me as my hand is when it holds another that I love. Real as it is when I raise it in surrender to His will and His way. As I raise towards Him as I reach out for Him and as I long for more of Him. Oh to look at You, stained, drenched, dripping of my sin but you, there, staring right back at me and you define me as my sin, though my sin is there you wash me clean and I am unstained and You are perfect and I am in awe once again.

His creation captivates me. Leaves speechless, breathless for He has captured my heart once again.

I am not entitled to feel or wallow in my guilt nor my shame, I was born to be free, to express myself and who You are in me and through my life. To step into freedom and  to run headfirst into the unknown because with You I don't need to impress, I don't need to filter, I don't need to pretend. I long to be real, authentic and honest and gracious to You and to Your people. With You, I am so free and just like nature You call me beautiful and loved and Your opinion of me is the only one that matters. With You I am wanted, I am cherished, I am loved and I am known. And that is more than enough for me.